Yup, Karl Rove. Like one of those toads that creep out of their toad-holes in early spring to check out the weather, here comes Karl to check where the political winds are blowing after his meltdown during the election. You know, the election between Obama and … that other guy. What’s his name. Mr. 47-Percent-Of-You-People-Are-Takers. Yeah, him.

This time Karl is upset that a comedian named Alphacat made a video parodying Obamacare and how you should sign up, generally aimed at Californians. Karl takes exception to … well, all of it. “I worry about something that seems aim to glorification of the commander-in-chief, the president of the United States as opposed to simply advocating young people go out and sign up for this entitlement program,” sez Karl, on … wait for it … FOX NEWS.

You mean, “aiming at the glorification of the commander-in-chief”, kinda like THIS?

This picture still makes me want to hurl, by the way. Karl, why, why, why, are you so disingenuous? Are you truly incapable of seeing this particular hypocrisy of yours? You are an especially ugly form of conservative politician. Although, after reading the incredibly hateful, racist, mind-bogglingly disconnected rants of the tiny-brained trogs who frequent the comments sections of various news websites, I guess I should not be overly surprised. That’s the miracle of the Internet. Not only can it bring tons of porn straight into your home with only the slightest effort, it helps you to find other completely crazy people who share your weird, warped, schizoid views of what is the “real America”.

Of course, Karl has his own weird problems with his identification. For one thing – and this is total speculation on my part – the guy is as gay as Liberace. Sure, he was married once, to a gal named Darby, but that book is shut so tight there’s no opening it now. Other than that brief fling, there are no women in this guy’s life – anywhere. It’s like they don’t exist for him, and if they do, like, for example, Nancy Pelosi, he just treats ’em like men, pretty much. Not because they are as good or better than men, or because they are as wise, capable, and intelligent as men, but because “female” does not exist for Karl Rove. Just doesn’t. And if Karl IS gay, nobody should care anyway, EXCEPT when he starts pushing policies that are designed to screw gay people, which would be, in essence, much of the Republican platform.

Another problem for Karl is his dad.  You might not have known this, but the guy who raised Karl as his father was a flaming gay man who pioneered the questionable art of genital piercing. And we aren’t talking a little bit of discrete hole-poking here and there, we are talking 37 piercings on a piece of real estate smaller than the size of a piece of paper! Karl’s dad is a legend! (I’m sorry, but that’s a lot of piercings. I’d post the picture, but eeeeewwww. Cannot be unseen! If you are really into having a peek, Google it!)  Karl, of course finds it convenient to deny ever knowing his dad was gay.  Right, Karl. Here’s a bridge on the moon I’d like to sell everybody, too.

As if Dad were not enough of an interesting past, Karl’s mom then went on to commit suicide by gassing herself in her Reno garage in 1981. Karl would have been 31 at the time, which is a pretty formative age. Almost as formative as learning, at the age of 21, that his sperm-donor dad was indeed somebody else besides the loopy gay piercing advocate, Louis Rove, who he always thought was his bio dad.  (For the record, Karl’s biological dad would not acknowledge Karl when finally tracked down. Hmmm…)

Okay, exactly how messed up does all this make somebody? Personally, I think it explains a lot! For example,

1) how it happens that Rove is such an extraordinarily gifted liar
2) how it happens that Rove is fantastically and shamelessly manipulative
3) Rove’s seriously judgmental streak, where anything outside what he wants you to BELIEVE he thinks is “proper” is to be villified, villified, villified! (Actually, maybe this fits into the “lying” category.)
4) His mastery of the art of denial, and the accompanying hypocrisy.

Maybe all this is why NOBODY should pay ANY attention to ANYTHING Karl Rove says.

Let’s run that great Alphacat video one more time…



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