THE STRANGE WORLD OF FACT-BASED REALITY

Okay, so Obama won, yay. He’s actually a moderate Republican, so I am not as happy as I could be, but I think we are at least close to the same page as the rest of the occupants of this planet, since we enjoy similar perceptions of reality. Well … most of us, anyway. Here we come to the crux of Republican woe: they are not operating in the same world as the rest of us, and are definitely not partaking of the same set of facts.

Here’s what Grand Poobah Nutbag Extraordinaire Glenn Beck sez: “When you watch Barack Obama, you can just see he is angry. When you watch Mitt Romney, you can see he is not.”

You know, I never got the impression that Obama was angry except when Republicans were being stubbornly oppositional. And I basically thought Mitt was never angry because he was kind of an airhead. Even when the family dog crapped all over the car after being strapped in a crate on the roof for hours didn’t make Mitt mad – he just turned the hose on the beast and continued on his merry way, never thinking for a moment that this episode might someday be perceived as just a lil’ out of touch with much of the rest of the nation, and perhaps prejudice a segment of the population against his political ambitions.

Glenn also said Americans were “dead inside” because they chose to vote for a compassionate, educated black guy instead of a fabulously rich Mormon who’s never seen the inside of a double-wide. Hm. Guaranteed, the black guy has experienced more of life than the Mormon, just by virtue of the fact that he’s black. Members of oppressed groups ALWAYS know more about the higher-ups than the other way around. Hence: Obama knew what was going on, while Romney was taking a quickie stroll through Candyland. I mean, Romney allegedly didn’t even prepare a concession speech, he was so sure he was gonna win. Jinx!

Then there was Karl Rove, who argued about how Romney was gonna take Ohio, and nobody better tell him different! Um, Karl – Obama took Ohio, it’s over. “NO HE DINT!” screams Karl. So embarrassing. Different facts. Karl, it’s just that you choose to ignore the ones THE REST OF US AGREE ON. Like, when somebody has the majority of votes in a state, THEY WIN THE STATE. Not like Rove-a-topia, where when somebody loses, they can still win. I think George Orwell discussed this in “1984”.

Here’s one of my favorites, supplied by Buster Wilson of the American Family: “Four states voted for it (same-sex marriage) in some fashion yesterday and that means that when they teach that homosexuality is an accepted lifestyle to your kindergartners like they did, I think it was in New Jersey or Chicago I don’t remember where it was, but it does happen even though they mock us and say we’re making this up.”

To tell you the truth, I don’t think sexual preference comes up a whole lot in kindergarten. Basically you learn to not pee your pants and not to hit other kids: the rest of that stuff is gonna go over your head. Has this guy Buster ever met a kindergartner? Oh, I forgot, he’s a CHRISTIAN MAN and REAL CHRISTIAN MEN don’t do kids cuz it is a wimmin thing. Besides, the idea of some kindergarten teacher squeezing in the gay agenda between finger painting and lunch is just ludicrous, because THEY ARE BUSY. They don’t have time to make up crazy-ass stories like these Christian strategists sitting around in their comfy offices trying to figure out how to manipulate their sheeple into voting the way they want.

The conservatives of this country have returned to the wilderness from which William F. Buckley led them out of so long ago. They have their own TV station broadcasting a steady stream of bullshit over the airwaves, yet blame the “liberal media” for the results they don’t like. They call science “gobbledygook” and then express surprise that statisticians were able to predict the outcome of the election using actual facts instead of “feelings”, as in “I have a feeling Mitt’s gonna win in a landslide.” They managed to ignore the obvious sense of not having the mega-rich John-Bircher Koch brothers as their poster boys and then turn around to blame Brad Pitt and George Clooney for swaying vast masses of voters to the dark side. They have systematically purged their party of anyone who would appeal to any voter aside from a crabby, racist, over-60 white male get-off-my-lawner with an IQ of between 75 and 96, and then expect members of this tiny demographic to numerically win elections for them. No wonder some conservatives are so powerfully into suppressing the vote; it is their only chance to hang on to power a little longer.

I am not opposed to having a political party made up of members that do not agree with me. To have it otherwise would mean that the dynamic tension between two opposing views, the tension that encourages innovation and allows for progress, would subside and disappear. But we can’t have one group that is  grounded in the real world, while their opposite numbers are riding around  La-La-Land on Jesus-horses and telling each other that they “feel” something is true, even when it isn’t.

Conservatives, there is a valuable lesson to be learned here. Ignore it at your peril.

 

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